Californication and DMVacillation

[d_aulnoy]

The learners permit is achieved, and my greatest source of joy in that?  I don't have to waste another hour of my life hangin' out in the DMV.  DMV's in NY?  Completely abandoned.  No people.  They're kind of soothing.  The California DMV, on the other hand, is like some strange and hellish outpost of the post-apocalyptic world that will be created when our Cockroach Overlords seize control: it is filled with the dregs of society (50 year old tattooed biker guy being straddled by his 14 year old girlfriend on the steps, I'm looking at you) and those lost to despair and madness (see: woman who, every time her perfectly charming 2-year old daughter fell silent, shook her till she blatted.  Was she trying to provide amusement for the rest of the poor souls trapped in the waiting room at her daughter's expense?).  Sitting there for half an hour made me start to consider the alternative of just learning to maneuver one of those 30-foot tall tricycles to get to work ... work, in this case, being the circus that I would run away to join, abandoning my new position and all that is dear to me, just to get out of the DMV.

But, eventually, my number was called (204, baby!), and I took the test.  The scariest part of the test?  Standing on the line to get it graded.  Keep in mind, my version of "studying" for this was to skim the handbook in the waiting room (was having too much fun at dinner last night, and, anyway, everyone assured me that the driving test was tres easy).  Yet, person after person ahead of me failed, for the first, second, third time ... one guy got up there, and asked if, since it was his third and last time without penalty and he thought he'd eaten it, if he could just tear it up and come back another day.  Come back!  To the DMV!  I started wondering if I'd underestimated the test, and the tricksy nature of the DMV.  (Never trust a company that, in its handbook, in between pleas for your organs, says "Do not fear the DMV: the DMV wants you to pass."  It's not the strange sentiment, really, although I do suspect a connection to their need for organs: it's just the third person.)  But, despite a few mistakes - double parking is illegal at all times?  really? even if you stay with the vehicle?  because, damn, back home, that's a way of life ... - I am now licensed to sit behind the wheel of a car, so long as a licensed handler accompanies me.  Yay!

Alas, the joy of finding a man with a whip and a chair to sit beside me in the hot-seat will have to wait, as I'm off to Europe in, oh, 6 hours, and have yet to pack.  Will be back in NY at the beginning of July, folks, so maybe I'll see some of you then.  Hey!  I can drive us somewhere ....

Comments

[cataptromancer.livejournal.com]

It sounds like the NY DMVs are blessedly different from all the others. Growing up in suburban VA, the DMVs were just as you describe (probably with fewer bikers and more rednecks).

The DMV is immortalized in a Primus song of the same name:

I've been to hell. I spell it...i spell it dmv
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it pointless

[rosefox]

Wow, NY DMVs aren't like that? Now I'm much less nervous about going in to get a new learner's permit. I've been putting it off until I had six hours of free time.

[servalan.livejournal.com]

I can't envision a DMV that's empty. Clearly, I'm a product of the CA system.

I'm so psyched that you'll be living near me! Send me a text when you'd like to get together. I'd be happy to help with any moving or just get coffee or whatnot:

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[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Yay! I knew you could do it. Use this power only for the Good.

In what strange alternate universe did you find the DMV's in NYC to be charmingly empty & peaceful, I'd like to know?

Let me know when you'll be in NYC - we'll be here from July 12-16 only, between Spain & San Diego . . . but I've got a groovy bag of clothes I'm dying to see you try on! Worst case, we'll give them to Veronica for you (not so bad, really) . . . .