On Bullying ....

[d_aulnoy]

A lot of little things have had me thinking about bullying recently, which, in some ways, is kind of a funny way to put it, as for years and years of my life, bullying was in some respects the only thing I thought about.

See, I was totally That Girl as a child - not in a Madonna kind of a way, but in the kind of a way that you'll recognize if you think back to your memories of childhood and try to place the least popular kid you ever knew: the butt of every joke, the one who turned unfriendly, the one who was always, always in trouble.

I don't think that I'm ever, ever, in my life, going to lie about my age, just because I was so damned happy to stop being a kid.

(Well, that and I think it's anti-feminist, and it's against my religion, and if nothing else, being bullied certainly inoculated me against giving a good goddamn about public opinion, but, nevertheless.)

Thing One That Has Me Thinking About Bullying: 
Well, for starters, I'm teaching about it: the subtitle of my YA class is "The Adolescent Other."  Talk about an automatic way to not fit in ... every book I'm teaching in that class this term deals with alienation and its consequences in one way or another, and it's fascinating to see my students try to concoct strategies for dealing with bullying in adolescents.  It's equally fascinating to see how ineffectual most of those strategies are on paper ... allow me to give you an example (with apologies for the Wikipedia sourcing): commonly recommended strategies to reduce bullying;

• Make sure an adult knows what is happening to their children.
• make it clear that bullying is never acceptable
• hold a school conference day devoted to bully/victim problems
• increase adult supervision in the yard, halls and washrooms more vigilantly
• emphasize caring, respect and safety
• emphasize consequences of hurting others
• enforce consistent and immediate consequences for aggressive behaviours
• follow up on all instances of aggression
• improve communication among school administrators, teachers, parents and students
• have a school problem box where kids can report problems, concerns and offer suggestions
• teach cooperative learning activities
• help bullies with anger control and the development of empathy
• encourage positive peer relations
• offer a variety of extracurricular activities which appeal to a range of interests
• teach your child to defend himself, verbally and physically, if necessary.
• Many children bully because it might be from family problems or peer pressure/power.

You'll notice that almost all of these refer to children.  Wouldn't it be lovely if this sort of thing stopped there?  Because, it hadn't by high school, although, in my case at least, I'd more or less gotten a handle on it by that age.  Because, frankly, it continues on considerably past that, into the age I am now, and I'm assuming beyond.  Because, frankly, while it is still very satisfying to run to my mother and tell her that someone's being mean to me these days on an emotional level, gone are the days when she can conference with their mothers to encourage them to be caring and respectful or to consider the consequences of hurting others.  The thing is, these days, as grown-ups, we function as our own mommies, as our own responsible adult figures ... and the frightening extension of that is that so do the adult bullies.

Thing Deux that Has Me Thinking About Bullying:

Not so much a thing as a person, a fact that was sadly ignored by a number of people in her life: Megan Meier.  Meier was 13 years old.  Meier was entrapped online, not just by her peers, but by their parents; finally, a suggestion that the world might be better off without her on MySpace led her to take her own life. 

She was 13, people.

I've had links to this forwarded to me by students, and a number of people whom I respect and read regularly have been posting about about it (for one, hi, upstart_crow!), but in term of real-world repercussions?  Well, LJ instituted a "For the Children!" censorship mentality that disturbs me greatly, but aside from that, and specifically relating to this case, psychological torture really doesn't seem to carry any consequences.  And it should ... if Megan Meier's case doesn't convince you, Kathy Sierra's might: some of you might recall her case.  About a year ago, Sierra started receiving really grotesque threats online from a number of people who apparently disliked her for being a very successful female tech consultant.  As far as I know, they managed to not only make her scared for her life, but to have to find a new line of work (see the link to her name for details: more frighteningly yet, while typing this, her name slipped my mind, so I resorted to Google; my search terms were "cyberbullying rape threats tech consultant," and I didn't get a hit on her till the second page).  This stuff doesn't seem to get better as we get older: it gets worse, because the people who see fit to do it get a little more informed as they get a little nastier.  Not to mention to sense of invulnerability that comes with the anonymity that the Internet seems to provide ....  And, thus far, all of the "solutions" that are being suggested seem to boil down to the same kind of stuff that had me developing a bunker mentality circa age 9: grow a thicker skin, and maybe think about taking a self-defense course, either physical or emotional,. because ain't nobody going to help you but yourself.

Thing Tres that Has Me Thinking About Bullying:

RateMyProfessor.com

No, seriously.  A friend of mine called me the other day on the verge of tears because she'd discovered a bad review on RMP.  We're talking both uncomplimentary and also poor in quality: I pointed out to her that maybe an academic review wherein the reviewer managed to misspell both "psycho" and 'bitch" (of which she is neither) should perhaps be taken with a grain of salt.  She felt that maybe that was kinda the problem: if she hadn't managed to convey basic proof-reading to them, maybe in a backhanded sort of a way, the reviewer had a point? 

Ahem.  Having gotten a bitter review or two in my day, I suggested that perhaps she was bending over a leeeeeeetle too far backwards to justify the bile, and that if the student felt that strongly about it ... well, had any students been in to see her complaining of these issues?  I mean, the term was still in progress and all ... no?  Yeah, didn't think so.

The Internet is a wonderful shield for weasels.  I've gotten bad reviews on RMP-like sites from students who'd never once come into my office to consult with me, and I've had cyber-stalking issues from rejected dates (those were fun), and I've come to the conclusion that the Internet is an emotional sadist's wet-dream, because it provides enough anonymity to completely abnegate all responsibility.   And on that, I have no solution, because I'm very strict-construction on 1st Amendment issues, and I fully believe in freedom of speech, and, like most of the rest of the world, I simply haven't got the time to pursue either sketchy libel lawsuits or the aformentioned self-defense classes.

So, where's the hope?  The optimism?  The solution?

Fucked if I know.  But ....

Thing Pyat that Has Me Thinking About Bullying:

... the other day, one of the people who bullied me in the 6th grade got in touch with me out of the blue, using FaceBook, of all media, to apologize for having been an ass back in the day.  She seems to have grown up to be a pretty cool person.  Kinda gives me a little hope.  Not a lot, because, y'know, she was a child and one could only hope she would grow up, whereas the adults who engage in this kind of shit leave you wondering, but, still ....

... I'll take what I can get.  Maybe karma is the last, great equalizer?  Or not.  But in the meantime, it appears to be as good an option as any.