(no subject)

You know, I kind of hate the periods in which I'm running, running, running - to meet deadlines, to make buses, to keep appointments.  They mean that I have no time to see friends, and that I eat things out of tins without really bothering to think about what said tins contain, that my study looks as though it's been paved with books, that my fingernails are perpetually stained with ink, that there's always that gnawing sense of not having done enough in any given period of time.

At the same time, I love those periods.  Natural work jags or events intersecting, when life's on fast-forward, it feels more ... real.  More centered.  It ties in to my whole thing about liking activities with concrete results in some ways (silversmithing vs. cooking), and it also just leaves me feeling like I'm doing something.  I mean, life is for the living, sure (see the New Year's Resolutions Post), but as I get closer and closer to the job market, I find myself looking at every one of these periods as a luxury.  If I don't get an academic position, will I ever have the sheer, unadulterated pleasure of doing this again, of immersing myself in my material?  

The last time that I did this was The Year of Five Conferences (and My Orals) (and My Dissertation Prospectus), which was genuinely odd, because I was simultaneously the most harried I'd ever been in my life, and the most on I'd ever been in my life.  The time before that, it was the MA year.  

Apparently, stress makes me productive.

Of course, if I did this on a regular basis, I'd probably drop dead of exhaustion by 40.

Pages written this weekend: 60-or-70-some-odd.  

Pages edited down to which I've edited: 42.

Pages yet to write: about 7, which is what I estimate I need to get to the point that I want on the second lecture (which, commensurately, means that I'll need to edit out 9 - oy).

I really, really like my first Baba Yaga piece: I'm getting at something about her ambiguity which feels important to me.  It's not publication-level, not yet, because it still has that first-drafty distillation-of-established-thought-thing going on, but I don't think it'll take too much work to get to the right level, and this way I'll have a concretely folkloric piece to send out that won't make me feel like I'm scavenging the blood and bones of the dissertation.

The second one is for a general audience, which is what is driving me nuts about it: also, the way these things are set up, the first one is the one that's meant to, a) be an overview of Baba Yaga, and b) be delivered to the department; the second one is for the community at large, and comparative, which means that I feel like I'm having to rehash some pretty basic points to get to where I want to be with it.  But, then again, it's a lecture and not a paper, which is what I have to keep in mind ... I can always go back and theory it up later.

But tomorrow, after my class, I get to go back to Dartmouth!  This is very exciting to me.  It's been exactly 5 years since the first time that I went there, for my entrance interview.  Looking back on half a decade is ... freaky, in some ways.  Half a decade ago, I knew exactly where I wanted to be.  I'm behind in some ways, ahead in others.  It's decidedly odd to be at the cusp of another one of those branching moments, only with just-enough experience to see where some of the options might lead ....

This Post Has Been Brought To You By The Introspection of Packing.*

*"The Introspection of Packing" is the arty emo band which claims to take its inspiration from "Full Labial Corset", but whose lead singer spends all its time kvetching about the superficiality of their lyrics, and how they're just sell-outs, maaaaaaaaaaaaan.

(no subject)

You know, I kind of hate the periods in which I'm running, running, running - to meet deadlines, to make buses, to keep appointments.  They mean that I have no time to see friends, and that I eat things out of tins without really bothering to think about what said tins contain, that my study looks as though it's been paved with books, that my fingernails are perpetually stained with ink, that there's always that gnawing sense of not having done enough in any given period of time.

At the same time, I love those periods.  Natural work jags or events intersecting, when life's on fast-forward, it feels more ... real.  More centered.  It ties in to my whole thing about liking activities with concrete results in some ways (silversmithing vs. cooking), and it also just leaves me feeling like I'm doing something.  I mean, life is for the living, sure (see the New Year's Resolutions Post), but as I get closer and closer to the job market, I find myself looking at every one of these periods as a luxury.  If I don't get an academic position, will I ever have the sheer, unadulterated pleasure of doing this again, of immersing myself in my material?  

The last time that I did this was The Year of Five Conferences (and My Orals) (and My Dissertation Prospectus), which was genuinely odd, because I was simultaneously the most harried I'd ever been in my life, and the most on I'd ever been in my life.  The time before that, it was the MA year.  

Apparently, stress makes me productive.

Of course, if I did this on a regular basis, I'd probably drop dead of exhaustion by 40.

Pages written this weekend: 60-or-70-some-odd.  

Pages edited down to which I've edited: 42.

Pages yet to write: about 7, which is what I estimate I need to get to the point that I want on the second lecture (which, commensurately, means that I'll need to edit out 9 - oy).

I really, really like my first Baba Yaga piece: I'm getting at something about her ambiguity which feels important to me.  It's not publication-level, not yet, because it still has that first-drafty distillation-of-established-thought-thing going on, but I don't think it'll take too much work to get to the right level, and this way I'll have a concretely folkloric piece to send out that won't make me feel like I'm scavenging the blood and bones of the dissertation.

The second one is for a general audience, which is what is driving me nuts about it: also, the way these things are set up, the first one is the one that's meant to, a) be an overview of Baba Yaga, and b) be delivered to the department; the second one is for the community at large, and comparative, which means that I feel like I'm having to rehash some pretty basic points to get to where I want to be with it.  But, then again, it's a lecture and not a paper, which is what I have to keep in mind ... I can always go back and theory it up later.

But tomorrow, after my class, I get to go back to Dartmouth!  This is very exciting to me.  It's been exactly 5 years since the first time that I went there, for my entrance interview.  Looking back on half a decade is ... freaky, in some ways.  Half a decade ago, I knew exactly where I wanted to be.  I'm behind in some ways, ahead in others.  It's decidedly odd to be at the cusp of another one of those branching moments, only with just-enough experience to see where some of the options might lead ....

This Post Has Been Brought To You By The Introspection of Packing.*

*"The Introspection of Packing" is the arty emo band which claims to take its inspiration from "Full Labial Corset", but whose lead singer spends all its time kvetching about the superficiality of their lyrics, and how they're just sell-outs, maaaaaaaaaaaaan.