In which I go directly against my previous post ...

I am definitely the weirdest person you know ...

So I was just talking to my friend Rachel, and she was telling me about how much she hated her supervisor. She told me that she'd created a demeaning nick-name for him that would comfort her when she had to face his meaningless tirades. She said, "I call him Smacky -" and here, I interrupted to say, hopefully, "Smacky the Earwig?" The image stuck with her, and she giggled, and we went off on a riff about Smacky and his predlications for b&d. And Rachel, who's of the opinion that I should have a column somewhere (lovely woman, awful taste, or maybe an overly optimistic attitude towards her friends talents, as her taste in everything *else* is lovely) asked me to write her a story about Smacky to distract her at work tomorrow. So I did. And then I decided, in my glory and my wisdom, to share it here. So, with no further ado ...

The Amazing Adventures of Smacky, the Sadomasochistic Earwig

Smacky the Sadomasochistic Earwig was a very angry parasite. He was a lawyer, which accounts for a lot of it, and he had a bit of a Napolean complex (your average earwig is only .5 millimeters tall, you know), and, well, it's hard to live down a name like "Smacky": you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Smacky dealt with these issues by dressing aggressively, in tall white go-go boots, and a wasp-waisted corset which had originally begun life as one of those ridiculous things that young girls knot in their hair - he'd found it left behind after one of his abortive attempts at a relationship. Smacky also carried a riding crop to chastise those who displeased him. One day, as he was brow-beating an employee (all too literally - as an earwig, he was perched on her left lobe in order to achieve the proper altitude) he dropped his crop, and leapt to the floor to retrieve it.

Then the other shoe dropped.

And that, my friends, was the end of Smacky.

In which I go directly against my previous post ...

I am definitely the weirdest person you know ...

So I was just talking to my friend Rachel, and she was telling me about how much she hated her supervisor. She told me that she'd created a demeaning nick-name for him that would comfort her when she had to face his meaningless tirades. She said, "I call him Smacky -" and here, I interrupted to say, hopefully, "Smacky the Earwig?" The image stuck with her, and she giggled, and we went off on a riff about Smacky and his predlications for b&d. And Rachel, who's of the opinion that I should have a column somewhere (lovely woman, awful taste, or maybe an overly optimistic attitude towards her friends talents, as her taste in everything *else* is lovely) asked me to write her a story about Smacky to distract her at work tomorrow. So I did. And then I decided, in my glory and my wisdom, to share it here. So, with no further ado ...

The Amazing Adventures of Smacky, the Sadomasochistic Earwig

Smacky the Sadomasochistic Earwig was a very angry parasite. He was a lawyer, which accounts for a lot of it, and he had a bit of a Napolean complex (your average earwig is only .5 millimeters tall, you know), and, well, it's hard to live down a name like "Smacky": you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Smacky dealt with these issues by dressing aggressively, in tall white go-go boots, and a wasp-waisted corset which had originally begun life as one of those ridiculous things that young girls knot in their hair - he'd found it left behind after one of his abortive attempts at a relationship. Smacky also carried a riding crop to chastise those who displeased him. One day, as he was brow-beating an employee (all too literally - as an earwig, he was perched on her left lobe in order to achieve the proper altitude) he dropped his crop, and leapt to the floor to retrieve it.

Then the other shoe dropped.

And that, my friends, was the end of Smacky.