You know what, circehellene? I think it's a fine analogy, and reveals more about your anonymous annoyer than he realizes--pedophilia is wrong and foul. (If I were going to split hairs about it, I'd say that acting on pedophilia is wrong, feeling it is merely unfortunate and rather gross.) And so is anti-feminism.
But more to the point, as you've pointed out before, yet again this person is completely missing the point, which is that the world, and your desire for conversation, does not revolve around him or his gender. Guys would like being catcalled? Who fucking cares? Feminism is not about exploring men's experiences of their sexist behavior--that's called, oh, the fucking norm for the past couple thousand years. Feminism is about putting women's experiences at the center of the discussion. And, by the way, how nice for men, that their experience can be completely hypothetical on so many levels: they do not, by and large, get catcalled, so they can imagine the experience as being complimentary and under their control (only the comments they'd like from the people they'd like); they are not, by and large, several inches shorter and many pounds lighter than the people doing the catcalling, to say nothing of being socialized to avoid fights and confrontation (obviously you're not, CH, but generally our gender is); men are not continually being stalked, harassed, and raped by women, so again, they don't have to worry about that threat. Well, how nice for them. That's male privilege in action right there. And I'm not so sure that in reality they would take it as a compliment--remember those gay-bashing men who try to use the "gay panic" defense to justify beating up and sometimes killing gay men who had the temerity to express their admiration of these men and desire to fuck them? What about all the legitimate, regular ways of paying somebody a compliment? Somehow "Hey, chicky-mama, shake that ass," comes more often than "Excuse me, ma'am? I just wanted to say that you look lovely." And yet, which is more likely to be taken as a compliment?
And this conversation breaks down along similar lines: you write up a post about your experiences feeling drained about having to continually explain and re-explain basics of women's experiences and feminist consciousness, how it relates to your work, and how it makes you feel, and you get the man in question popping up and saying "You're making me look like an asshole." Well, guess what? This conversation is not about you, guy. Also, you, CH, have said almost nothing about the guy in question--you've said that he's a friend, and you've listed the conversations that have made you "tired." Unless you're actually making these conversations up and they never took place, in which case, how could the anonymous friend decide that you're referring to him, he's saying that a simple statement of facts makes him look like an asshole.
Feminism is not about women catering to men's ignorance and privilege ("I'd love it if a bunch of strange, repulsive men twice my size told me to suck their dicks or talked about my boobs--it would be a compliment! It certainly wouldn't remind me of the time my little sister got felt up on the subway, or the several times strange men showed me their penises and/or masturbated in front of me, or the time some guy tried to follow me home, or the times my mother was sexually harrassed, or the time my grandmother was sexually assaulted, or the many friends of mine who've been raped, because, hey, those things never happen to me, so I don't have to think about them and can assume they don't happen to anyone! How nice for me.") It's not about women showing exquisite care and tact in order to make sure that members of the dominant group, men, don't feel bad. It's about putting women's experiences at the center of any discussion about the issue, and analyzing those experiences politically, that is to say, with respect to the differences in power between men and women. And that should make men uncomfortable.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2006-05-24 02:05 pm (UTC)But more to the point, as you've pointed out before, yet again this person is completely missing the point, which is that the world, and your desire for conversation, does not revolve around him or his gender. Guys would like being catcalled? Who fucking cares? Feminism is not about exploring men's experiences of their sexist behavior--that's called, oh, the fucking norm for the past couple thousand years. Feminism is about putting women's experiences at the center of the discussion. And, by the way, how nice for men, that their experience can be completely hypothetical on so many levels: they do not, by and large, get catcalled, so they can imagine the experience as being complimentary and under their control (only the comments they'd like from the people they'd like); they are not, by and large, several inches shorter and many pounds lighter than the people doing the catcalling, to say nothing of being socialized to avoid fights and confrontation (obviously you're not, CH, but generally our gender is); men are not continually being stalked, harassed, and raped by women, so again, they don't have to worry about that threat. Well, how nice for them. That's male privilege in action right there. And I'm not so sure that in reality they would take it as a compliment--remember those gay-bashing men who try to use the "gay panic" defense to justify beating up and sometimes killing gay men who had the temerity to express their admiration of these men and desire to fuck them? What about all the legitimate, regular ways of paying somebody a compliment? Somehow "Hey, chicky-mama, shake that ass," comes more often than "Excuse me, ma'am? I just wanted to say that you look lovely." And yet, which is more likely to be taken as a compliment?
And this conversation breaks down along similar lines: you write up a post about your experiences feeling drained about having to continually explain and re-explain basics of women's experiences and feminist consciousness, how it relates to your work, and how it makes you feel, and you get the man in question popping up and saying "You're making me look like an asshole." Well, guess what? This conversation is not about you, guy. Also, you, CH, have said almost nothing about the guy in question--you've said that he's a friend, and you've listed the conversations that have made you "tired." Unless you're actually making these conversations up and they never took place, in which case, how could the anonymous friend decide that you're referring to him, he's saying that a simple statement of facts makes him look like an asshole.
Feminism is not about women catering to men's ignorance and privilege ("I'd love it if a bunch of strange, repulsive men twice my size told me to suck their dicks or talked about my boobs--it would be a compliment! It certainly wouldn't remind me of the time my little sister got felt up on the subway, or the several times strange men showed me their penises and/or masturbated in front of me, or the time some guy tried to follow me home, or the times my mother was sexually harrassed, or the time my grandmother was sexually assaulted, or the many friends of mine who've been raped, because, hey, those things never happen to me, so I don't have to think about them and can assume they don't happen to anyone! How nice for me.") It's not about women showing exquisite care and tact in order to make sure that members of the dominant group, men, don't feel bad. It's about putting women's experiences at the center of any discussion about the issue, and analyzing those experiences politically, that is to say, with respect to the differences in power between men and women. And that should make men uncomfortable.