Yeah and I also find that the joke thing is kind of a cover for one's real feelings. I often think that jokes are at least 50% true - so when someone says something offensive, they probably believe it at least on some level. But then you can just say "oh, I was joking" and no one is allowed to take offense to that.

Then there is the other side where maybe the person didn't mean to offend at all, but came off sounding like an asshole, but if it's pointed out to them, the defensiveness begins. Why is it so hard for people to just say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," instead of saying "you just don't get it, I was only joking." Bah. People.